At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
