I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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