I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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