well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
