why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
