a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
