She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
