also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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