Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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