Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i think i have herpe
just one?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize