its not stalking. its research.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
