Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
