she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
well you can't waste a boner
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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