When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
