This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
