1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
