At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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