I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
