I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
