I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
