she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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