Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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