sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
