I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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