My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
