Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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