i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
