woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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