I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
