i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
