I hate all girls vehemently.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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