well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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