I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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