if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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