come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
