When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
