why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
