pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
