I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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