Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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