drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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