hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
