She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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