what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
