just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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