So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
