absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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