I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
