If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
