Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Randomize
