we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
