If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
