There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
