Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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