he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
