I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
