Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
