who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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