I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize