oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
