just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
